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I cannot show any weakness.

If I do, the predators will eat me alive. This is just a defense mechanism for survival.

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It is not in any handbook that they give you when you first get here. This is how I have lived for the last three years. Wearing a mask over my true feelings.

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Pretending that submiszive is okay, that I am strong. When in fact, I am neither okay nor strong. It seems that I have been trapped in a time that is standing still as life outside goes on without me.

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And there have been many minutes that were a battle I thought that I was going to lose. You Oklahomz, I am in a prison of my mind, not just my body. Imagine waking up every day in a 12 x 9 cell. You sleep on a metal bunk that has a mattress about 3 inches thick of foam.

There is a stainless steal sink with a toilet right by your head. The worst part about waking up, well, one of the worse parts, is when you wake up and your facing a cinderblock wall.

You open your eyes and you see a Oklahooma white cinderblock wall.

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It does not take very long to realize Lonely married Aurora ladys you are, either because of the aches and pains in your body from sleeping on that tiny mattress or because of those thoughts and feelings that come back to you from the night before, all reminds you of where you just woke up.

I Looking for my submissive Arnett Oklahoma bbw today have to flr on my bunk for five or ten minutes praying, praying Oklahomma today I will be stronger, that I will make it, because it is so easy to give up. It is so easy to be walking down the tier and decide to jump, hoping that four floors high will break your neck quickly and end this lonely solitude. No one Looking for my submissive Arnett Oklahoma bbw today really imagine what prison is like, day after day, month after month, year after year of the same boring routine.

There is no true friendship, no one to honestly open up and talk to. Everyone has their own problems, and nobody wants to hear yours. Even though hundreds of people surround you, you are constantly alone. Something happens to people when they go to prison.

It changes them forever. The correctional officers treat you as if you are a nobody. Other inmates treat you as if you submissivw a nobody. A person can only handle several months of being treated as they are nothing, before they actually start to feel that way.

Where is the hope? Where is that one thing that you hold bbd, so you will be strong and survive each day and not jump? You pretend you did not see anything. It is none of my business. Better him than me. What does that do to a man? How do they ever expect you to one day go home and move on with your life as nothing has happened? Like your life was not changed by the prison experience. Some days as I just lay on my bunk in my cell, I wonder why I even try to stay Orange VA sexy women In here, when you stop feeling, when empathy is lost, you can survive.

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